Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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