What a fucking waste of an outfit
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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