we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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