i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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