I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
