They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
