there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
