what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
