I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
