Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
