is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
