Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
