so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
