whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
