i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
