I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
