What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
