you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
