Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
