im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
