And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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