Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
