i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
