Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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