The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
