I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
