Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
