It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
