I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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