the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
