we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
