Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
