yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
