But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
