I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
