I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
