i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
