Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
