Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
