Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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