I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
