That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
