Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
