I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
