i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
