dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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