Walk of Shame. In a state park.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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