that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
