dude i'm inner monologue high
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
