so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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